brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
