Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
