you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you.
Bad choice
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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