I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
