yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
pop tarts are not kleenex
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
