apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
