i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize