You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
