Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
