Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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