3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
