You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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