talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I think my vagina is haunted
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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