I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
