Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I died a long time ago.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
