I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
