I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
