Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drake has all the answers
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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