she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
