"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
