What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize