Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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