Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
