You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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