We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
