Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize