I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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