I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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