This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize