wanna go halves on a baby?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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