Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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