i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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