Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
