My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
