This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
