What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
