I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
