State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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