he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
