I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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