So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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