i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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