Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
