Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
