there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
