dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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