Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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