I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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