I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
