I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
