Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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