VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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