All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
