I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
