It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
