It's like God shit irony all over that family
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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