did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
