I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
