My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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