It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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