I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
