oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
