I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
