You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
