Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
