burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
