there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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