Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Boobs are out for the taking
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
