why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
