3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
