he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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