Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize