I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
