Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he thought i was a dude.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
