I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
