Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
