i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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