So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
