The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize