She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
