I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize