his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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