Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
