What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
